Way away

I may as well start every entry this way, but here goes. This post is a long time coming and I suppose it's fitting that I finally type it in the new year, en-route to New York.

Kristine used to talk to me about how she felt guilty living so far away from home. That didn't resonate with me for a while. Living in New York didn't really feel like a getaway. I was certainly experiencing something new and exploring, but I felt like I was doing something that I had to do and couldn't do elsewhere (certainly not back in California at least). Being away was tough, but it didn't eat away at me. If anything, being away from home hurt because I felt like I was missing out, not because I was being selfish.

As my lola's health deteriorated and my family members told me how difficult it was to see her suffer, it finally clicked. It really hurt that I couldn't comfort her, support her face-to-face. It hurt even more when I realized how much easier it was that I didn't have to see what everyone back home was seeing. It was the manifestation of "ignorance is bliss." Because of the distance, I never got the chance to say goodbye to her in person.

I took 6 roundtrip flights to California between September and November. Aside from allowing me to actually survive, that has been the best part of my new job. Now that I have transitioned into the working world, the ability to travel more freely has allowed me to balance my life a little better. While expensive, coming back home keeps me sane. Impromptu hangouts with friends, my mom's nagging, sleeping in my ridunkulous bed, playing beer pong with my cousins, eating burgers in the early AM after playing beer pong with my cousins - these are all things that I aren't part and parcel of my NY experience. And, God forbid, if something happened back home, I have the opportunity to face it and leave ignorance behind.